The New PTA President
My name is A.J. and I hate school.
But you know what? Soon I won't have to go to school anymore for a long time. You know why? Because today is the first day of June!
Yay! June is the best month of the year because it's when summer starts! Yippee! No school until September!
Me and the guys were putting our backpacks into our cubbies. It was Michael who started singing the best song in the history of the world.
"No more pencils!" sang Michael, who never ties his shoes.
"No more books!" sang Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food.
"No more teachers'!" sang Neil, who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes.
"Dirty looks!" I sang.
That's when Andrea came in. She is an annoying girl with curly brown hair who loves school. Andrea had on her mean face.
"Hey Andrea!" I said. "What's with the mean face? Are you mad because school is almost over?"
"No, Arlo," said Andrea, who calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. "That's not why I'm mad. Did you hear about the PTA election last night?"*
"My mother was running for president," Andrea said, "but she came in second. So she has to be vice president again."
"Big deal," I told Andrea. "If the president gets assassinated, then your mom will become president."
"Nobody assassinates PTA presidents, Arlo!" Andrea said, rolling her eyes.
"They do too!" I told her.
We went back and forth like that for a while. Sheesh, what a grouch! So what if her mom isn't PTA president? Andrea should take a chill pill.
I went to my seat, which is next to Ryan's.
"Where's Mrs. Daisy?" Ryan asked.
I looked around. Our teacher, Mrs. Daisy, was nowhere to be found. She usually gets to class early.
Mrs. Daisy used to be called Miss Daisy, but then she got married. Ladies become Mrs. when they get married. Nobody knows why.
Since Mrs. Daisy wasn't around, I crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at Andrea. It bounced off her head.
"Arlo!" Andrea shouted. "Why did you do that?"
"Does there have to be a reason?"
Suddenly Mr. Klutz came running into the class. He's the principal of Ella Mentry School, and he has no hair at all. Most principals polish their shoes, but Mr. Klutz polishes his head.
"Mrs. Daisy will be late today," he said. "She has a doctor's appointment."
"Is Mrs. Daisy sick?" asked Emily, who is Andrea's crybaby friend. She looked all worried, like she does whenever anybody in the world is sick.
"She's fine," said Mr. Klutz. "Actually, I'm glad Mrs. Daisy is late, because the new PTA president wants to speak to you in private. I'd like to introduce—"
Mr. Klutz never had the chance to finish his sentence. You'll never believe in a million hundred years who walked into the door.
Nobody! Because if you walked into a door, it would hurt. But you'll never believe who walked into the doorway.
It was Ryan's mom, Mrs. Dole!
Excerpted from My Weird School Daze #1: Mrs. Dole Is Out of Control! by Dan Gutman Copyright © 2008 by Dan Gutman. Excerpted by permission.
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